Harry claims that his stepmother - whom he and William begged his father not to marry - has always been the most cunning royal when it comes to tabloid coverage, so much so that she frequently leaks details of the Windsors’ lives to members of the press in exchange for favorable coverage of her own. Sickest burn: “Whatever grievances people had against us, sex crimes weren’t on the list.” “He was embroiled in a shameful scandal, accused of the sexual assault of a young woman, and no one had so much as suggested that he lose his security,” Harry writes. When security services were pulled from Harry, Meghan, and their newborn, Archie, in February 2020 - a “government decision,” his brother William alleged - Harry couldn’t help but think about who still did have protection: His disgraced uncle and Jeffrey Epstein associate, Prince Andrew. We’ll spare you the long read and tell you the winners and losers.

Still, Harry is gingerly game to inject some Crown into the House of Windsor. Sure, there’s never enough gossip to satiate palace intrigue, but Harry and his wife, Meghan Markle, had already done a tell-all interview with Oprah Winfrey in 2021 and a tell-even-more Netflix docuseries in 2022 - making Spare more of a recap than exposé. Prince Harry’s new memoir, Spare, is the literary equivalent of the tea going cold and the crumpets being a bit too stale. Photos: Samir Hussein - Pool/WireImage Fox

Harry spare